Tired, out of breath, yet a smile on my face. I am on my way down the mountain, which, for me, is typically the scariest part of the trip. Each down step crunches as the spikes from my crampons dig into the frozen surface. My exhausted mind wanders off, but my eyes gaze upon the landscape. In the distance, more snow-covered peaks shoot up from the ground. The clouds are below me. Gosh, those must be some tough plants, I say to myself as I stare at the green in the valley below. Then reality hits me and I’m brought back to the present. My hands are relatively warm, my feet hurt, but my heart is filled with joy. Not far off, I can see the tents. Once there I will sit with others, and share a cup of tea.
Each crunch brings me closer to that warm drink. Down-climbing, rappelling, and always trying to catch my breath. Life up here isn’t easy. Reminding myself that the place I had dreamt of standing, the top, was only halfway. Sometimes, I wonder what my top will be in life? Will it be today? Hopefully not, for there is much more to attempt.
Fatigue sets in as my backpack rocks back and forth. The ridge-line drops on both sides into the abyss. Now is not the time to be thinking about the future. A breath in. A breath out. After a few more, I regain my focus. One foot, crunch, in front of the other, crunch. Some of the easiest things in life appear to be the hardest; breathing, walking and maintaining focus.
Life in the mountains shows the value of every breath. While the air is thin, the struggle to breathe is often brought on by the views which the English language can’t explain. The fears that overcome me, I struggle to convey. Feeling your heartbeat spike, knowing that just cost you another two breaths.
Each footstep has been a struggle for the last 18 hours. The weight of plastic boots is heavy. My quads are burning. If only I could get enough oxygen into my lungs, I might be able to relieve some of the ever-building lactic-acid.
Fading in and out of the present, I use this as a defense against the pain in my body. Letting the mind go, my body can take over. However, if I am unable to dismiss my thoughts, then anxiety builds. Learning to control my mind will be a life-long journey.
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that my ego gets in the way. Often, pushing me beyond my known limit. Maybe that is where I am at, right now. Walking down a mountain from a challenge I gave myself when I was 22 years old. Who would have thought it would have taken me 8 years to make this trip? Surely, I did not.
I want to say it is curiosity, but maybe it is the ego which challenges arrive. Regardless, working to accomplish the goals we give ourselves leads us through a purposeful life. Where will my next challenge begin? Will it be an ego trip or founded in curiosity? These are all questions I ask myself as I silently sit in the tent with a few others. Reflecting upon the experience, drinking tea we had all looked forward to once we left the summit.